It goes without saying that I absolutely hate running. There is no part of it that I enjoy. It doesn’t feel good when you’re doing it and it doesn’t necessarily feel good after you do it. I have shitty arches, so my feet require inserts and even then, sometimes hurt anyway. Despite all of this, I still loved soccer. Even though it’s a game where it’s usually 85% running and 15% actively on the ball, I adored it.
Whenever I would be training for preseason or preparing for the off-season, I had something driving me to run. Fitness was easily my least favorite thing during the season, but there was something so satisfying about grinding out sprint after sprint next to your teammates. For my entire life, working out – whether it was running, lifting, or cross-training – was to be fit for the season. I no longer have games or required fitness tests to prepare for and I have found that motivation to work out without an end-goal is incredibly difficult.
There are all these corny posts encouraging you to “work out for you”, but up until this point, working out wasn’t a solo thing. I was constantly surrounded by teammates. Practices, though they sometimes really sucked, had fun (if you’re me), camaraderie, and competition woven in. We’re raised in these environments, in a culture where you specialize in one sport and often spend 5+ days a week around a team. For many, that ends after high school, for others, after college.
Having such a competitive nature, we’re expected to tenaciously enter the workforce. What many people don’t realize (some student-athletes included), is that we undergo a shocking change in norms. For some, I’m sure there’s relief, whether from falling out of love with their sport or just being sick of what student-athlete life entails. For others, depression, loneliness, and a feeling of losing their identity can quickly hit.
Around your local community, I’m sure the phrase “washed-up athlete” immediately brings a few names to mind. We’ve created a stigma surrounding those who aren’t ready to let go of athletics and consider those people as less-than based on their inability to move on. Yet, for those of us who’s careers ended before we were ready, are we not the same? Would you not keep playing if given the opportunity?
Local leagues or cross-fit gyms, centered around a culture of teamwork and competition, often attract former student-athletes. Unfortunately, as life has grinded to a halt with the pandemic (my family and I are engaging in strict social-distancing to protect family members), many of these outlets aren’t currently accessible.
So, while I hope to one day join one of the soccer leagues offered in my community, for now I’ll be by myself. It’s been a time of realizing how much I miss soccer, my team, and how much I absolutely hate working out on my own. Especially during this pandemic, motivation is fluid. Some days I’ve got it and I fly through my workout. Others, I drag myself through it, all the while convincing myself to ignore the negative self-talk that’s constantly reminding me that it doesn’t matter.
As COVID begins canceling seasons and in result, ending careers too early, I hope that you’ll look to those people with compassion. Even preparing myself throughout my entire senior year, I wasn’t ready for the end. I can’t even imagine what some of you might be going through.