Seven Tips for People Just Trying to Figure It Out

If you’re like me, then you’re always looking for ways to improve yourself or your life. There are so many self-proclaimed programs, books, and diets out there that swear they’ll turn you into an entirely different person, one that you’d rather be. I usually don’t subscribe to anything but books, though after a while, they all start to say the same things too. We’re creatures of habit, so if we’ve been doing things our entire lives, a full routine makeover is uncomfortable, unnatural and unlikely to work.

I used to make bold statements that I was going to change something about my lifestyle. For example, I would always try to get up earlier in the morning. I would go into it with great intentions – laying out my outfit, setting a super early alarm – but every single time, I would fail. I’d hit snooze or maybe keep it up for a few mornings, just to revert back to my old ways a few days later.

I’m not here to tell you that I’ve got answers, I definitely don’t. But, I might have tips – things that I’ve realized about myself along the way – that might help you get out of a rut or take the first steps towards a larger goal you want to accomplish. Much like Stephen Covey wrote the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I present to you: Tyler Spence’s Seven Tips For People Just Trying to Figure It Out.

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Start small.

In the midst of my bold statement phase, I read an article somewhere that told us that we need to stop trying to make big changes in our life all at once. Humans love their habits and when we try to change them, especially in big ways, we naturally work against them. I continuously failed to get up early because I was attempting to go from waking up every morning at 9:30am to 7:00am. That’s a pretty big jump, especially since I wasn’t necessarily going to bed any earlier and I’ve always functioned best at 8 hours of sleep. I wasn’t ready to give up my nighttime habits though, so my sleep schedule didn’t change.

It wasn’t until quarantine, when I had finally decided to stop wasting my own time and get control of my life again, that I finally started using what I learned years ago from that article. I adjusted my alarm incrementally earlier and earlier, by 15-30 minutes each week, so that now, I’ve reset my circadian rhythm so I wake up naturally around 7:15-7:30am.

No matter what your goal is, don’t start big. If you’re trying to eat better, cut out a few things a week or incorporate veggies at one meal a day, instead of doing a complete overhaul that you despise. We’re definitely the generation that wants instant gratification, so it can be hard to accept gradual change. I promise though, your brain will handle those small changes a hell of a lot better.

Find time during the day for yourself.

I’ve always been someone who values times by myself. I used it to recharge after days when I didn’t have a chance to catch my breath, be it from school, soccer, or constantly having to be on with people. In college, that looked like a lot of things: watching Netflix in bed at night with headphones, playing video games (yes, I fully endorse virtual displays of violence as a means of stress relief), or facetiming my family.

As I got older and had more control over my schedule, I set aside time every morning to have breakfast. I adore breakfast foods and love the romanticism of slowing sipping a coffee in the morning. Now, if I need to be up early for a work call or an appointment, I’ll get up earlier so that I can enjoy a slow, unrushed breakfast. I’ll read or watch YouTube or Netflix, beginning my day on a happy, grounded note.

If breakfast or waking up early isn’t your thing, find something else. Make time during the day to take a moment for yourself, to do something you really want to do, even if it’s only for five minutes.

Make your damn bed.

Have you ever had to study for an exam, so you cleaned your room? And not just cleaned, deep cleaned. In order for my head to be clear to study, I need my room to be clean and organized. I’ve always found that my room is a reflection of how I’m feeling and when it looks messy, I’m usually not on top of my game.

Forget that it’s the number one step in basically every book about discipline, it helps you keep your room clean, starts your day right, and getting into a made bed at night is the best thing ever. If you’re trying to jumpstart your discipline though, it’s a proven way to start.

Get outside at least once a day.

I don’t mean the walk to your car, I mean go outside with the intention to be outside. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. I usually accomplish this task by letting my dogs play outside while I sit on the deck or throw the ball for them. Their gratitude makes me appreciate being outside even more. This month, I’ve been going for runs or walks while I’ve been chipping away at my first athlete state of mind monthly fitness challenge (if you want to learn more, click here!).

This is easier said than done, especially when the seasons start to change and it goes from being sunny, green and warm to windy, cold and gray. During the winter, I get outside by playing in the snow with my dogs, the occasional wintery walk, as well as impromptu snow ball fights or snowman-making. If you’ve got some awesome outdoor winter fitness ideas that you love, comment them below!

Move.

Especially with everything being online now, I find myself sitting at my desk, on my computer all day long. Using physical activity to break up your day is  a great way to recharge your brain in the middle of a draining day. Without designated time for physical activity every day, I’ve been working hard at getting up and doing something active every day even when it’s the very last thing that I want to do. As much as I love my new commute to work (5 steps from my bed), I miss walking to class and driving to work so much.

If you’re having trouble motivating because COVID has changed your life, check out the Colorado Trail Challenge or challenge your friends to fitness goals! I’ve found that having external accountability has gotten me moving even on the days when I barely get anything done.

Get some perspective, be grateful.

It’s so easy right now to complain about your life and how it’s unfair and that this wasn’t your plan or how it was supposed to go. Blah blah-blah blah-blah. I’ve got news for you: everyone’s going through something right now, nobody is living normally. You might think that yours is worse or that yours is harder, but get this, everybody thinks that. Stop comparing your struggles to others, it’s a pissing contest that you’ll never win and you’ll be left feeling like shit, focusing on just the negatives.

Find the things that you’re lucky to have. I’m so happy that I’m living rent-free at home, eating 3 meals a day, with my family, woken up every morning by two cute dogs, working two virtual jobs, coaching two awesome kiddos, pursuing my passion(?) for blogging, and getting to continue my education virtually this winter. I’ve learned to be so grateful through losing the majority of my “normal.” Don’t get me wrong, it took me a long time to get here. But I promise you, if you take the time to look, there are things in your life that you’re lucky to have. Find them. Hold onto them. Be grateful for them.  

Strengthen your connections.

The Pandemic has really exposed those relationships that are worth investing in, for better or for worse. Those that continued to reach out and check-in were the ones that helped me stay sane when the going got hard. It’s super easy for me to retreat from my phone and relationships when I’m not at my most mentally fit, which isn’t healthy for me and isn’t fair to my friends. Reaching out even when I feel like being alone and wallowing in my own misery has strengthened those friendships in completely new ways. Thank you – you know who you are.

By no means should we just focus our energy on friendships. One of my favorite things to do is to send letters to far-away family members (friends, too) to remind them that I love them and that I’m thinking of them. It also feels more genuine than a text and supports USPS! Bonus!

At the end of the day, someone might need a text or call from you, just like someday, you might need that text or call from them. Those that are the strongest also have moments of weakness and should never be overlooked, just like those that struggle also have moments of unparalleled strength. Lean on each other, especially now.

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That pretty much wraps it up, that’s currently the most advice I can offer in a broad sense. Like everything, these tips might not work for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re hopeless, it just means that we’re different people. If you’re ever struggling – and that could be what workout to do all the way to being unable to find happiness – don’t be afraid to reach out, your words matter too.